Do you know people? Do those people deserve things ever? Do you enjoy fighting mall traffic? Do you appreciate the gentle heart of a child? Wait, are there still malls? Am I asking too many questions?

Just want to shop right now? Sure thing: here's your link!

Not ready yet? OK I'm going to hit you with both guns right up front.

⊕Abby (9). Independent (except when it comes to laundry, cooking, cleaning and homework - we're working on it). She's never met a book she wouldn't read: I've tried. 4th grade is here and it's getting handled right now.

⊕Audrey (6). She might be the smallest kid in first grade, but just like the honey badger: she don't care. Also like a honey badger, she is fearless (at cheerleading and reading and taking care of animals). Unlike a honey badger she only eats cooked meats. I should probably stop with the honey badger references.

Bam.

You probably already want to just throw money at my kids - this is totally understandable. But let's dive in to what you'll be getting back in return!

To start, you're getting a good deal. You probably think that a kids fundraiser is going to be a price gouge.

You'd be wrong. Laughably wrong. The kind of wrong that creates a hole that only sensibly priced goods conveniently available via a fundraiser can fill.

Here's The Deal

My kids are going door to door selling some useful things to raise money for their school. Last year I had to say that without knowing, but after making a few different purchases I can now say that it really is worth looking at.

These kids are cute, motivated and cute. And motivated. But I'm not going to bring them to your place of work or your house. You get the digital experience.

It's a pretty short runway on this project. So I'm acting as the PM to move it across the finish line. With synergy. And shared experiences.

Here are the links

I've got three kids - only two are fundraising. They each have their own link. I play no favorites (that they know about) so here is a randomized link to their site.

Take a look - you know you're not going to get around to Christmas shopping until the 24th. You don't have to register or anything to look. Just do it.

Random Link YOU SHOULD CLICK ON NOW

Hit NEXT on the link screen and you're in!

⊕Deals so good you might just scream. Really, really loudly. Hey, I can't blame him. PS that's Ace - he's 2 and he's the one that only sells smiles and hugs.

The Big Finish

While a lot of this page is written in jest, my kids really are trying to earn some money. So even if you don't buy anything, if you took the time to read this or click on the links, thank you.

You can expect a custom thank you note when you buy something. And they take requests, and are really good at unicorns, rainbows and fairies.

You mean I have to make my bed today?

First grade is the best because you only have to be quiet for the first 10 minutes of lunch, then you can talk.

Please put down the stuffed animals and eat your breakfast.

Thanks again for your time! Feel free to contact me with any questions!

⊕Thank you! Peace be with you, and also to our pets (after 9pm and before 6am).

Random Link (again, for your convenience)

We are totally cool with you sharing this with your bingo club, motorcycle group or anyone else that has a heart for children and needs things. So, no honey badgers.